My dirty little secret

Is anyone else here familiar with these tiny bottles of wine? I am. Very.

As my behaviour got worse and worse when I was blackout drunk, my husbands dislike for “rocket fuel” (red wine and cheap prosecco) became stronger and stronger. To the point where it was seriously frowned upon if I ever chose to drink red wine (or any wine really) in his presence.

He was judging because he was being hurt and trying to control what I was drinking was the only way he knew how to control the outcome and hopefully tame the wild beast that appeared when I’d had a skin full.

This meant we really only ever drank beer together (the theory being, despite my cracking drinking pace, beer wasn’t as concentrated as wine so I couldn’t get pissed and angry as quickly). But as we all know, trying to control someone like this is like a red flag to a bull.

How did I react? Made up for lost time when I was out with girlfriends or away on work trips. Drink ALLLLLLL the wine because I was free from judgement and no one could tell me what to do. In the later stages of my drinking life, it also meant that these teeny little bottles went from something I found quite odd (why such a teeny bottle?) to my saviour.

If I was having red wine withdrawal, I could grab one of these at the IGA, sip on it in the car on the way home and get that hit that I was looking for. One of those 187ml bottles was all I needed to scratch that itch before I walked in the door to my family. So teeny they are easy to conceal in the bin or under your car seat if need be.

Why wasn’t this a bit of a red flag for me? Because I was in denial and believed my human rights were being impinged by my husband who wanted to stop me from enjoying what I loved the most. Red Red wine. So desperate to push back on that and enjoy what I wanted, I was prepared to drink very mediocre wine from a tiny bottle in the secrecy of my car.

The irony of this of course is that now I am free from the iron grip that alcohol had on my head and heart, I am doing the opposite. Spending loads of time and money seeking out the best quality of what is on offer on the alcohol-free market and sharing that information with you.

Now days I only drink wine out of tiny bottles because there are great wine brands (eg Vinada) that make them and they are amazing to enjoy when you don’t want a whole bottle. I know which tiny bottle I am glad I have ditched and which one I have discovered x

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